Well, I have hit an ultimate high. Yup. Instead of losing I went up again. Could be because I am building muscle but I don't know. I can't say I have been perfect with my eating. I am not going to be down today though. This has lit a new fire under me and I taking charge. This has controlled my thoughts, my habits, my attitude, my life for too long. I think this is finally the last straw.
I have a plan. I have the drive.
Its going to be drastic & hard but I am giving myself no other option.
I have decided I am going to be one of those people that don't eat out. It is such a bad struggle for me that I need to just cut it out completely. And there are many people out there that say "oh you cant cut it out completely, then you will just end up bingeing" Nope. I will not give in to that lie. I know numerous people that have just completely cut out eating out and they say it gives them a freedom. No worrying after eating, no guilt, & no sick feeling after eating all the sugar & fat. I am going to go out to nice places (2x month MAX) with my husband or family but it will be all health options.
Also, working out is not going to be an option in my mind anymore. It is going to be like brushing my hair or putting on my clothes. It is a daily necessity. Not just a thing I do if I "feel" like it. It needs to be a way of life.
I know I am going to have critics. But I have been praying & praying for God to help me with this and this is all what has been repeatedly going through my head. Most importantly, I am going to make this struggle only a daily routine, so that my mind is consumed with God instead of this ridiculous obsession with not being happy with myself. That is the way God wants me and so do I. I will have to spend time journaling & paying close attention to what I am eating & so on but I will make sure I am spending more time with God.
I know I have said things like this before but I feel as if God had flipped a switch in my brain & he is helping me sort through everything in my life & giving me a clear perspective. He is so miraculous. He has time to help me figure out the struggles in my life. That's the thing though, God knows that this is a major hinderance for my life & definitely spiritually hindering too. He sees everything & its quite sad we can't always realize that he knows all & we choose to try to do it ourselves. He is just sitting & waiting for our call.
Well, I am receiving his help & his deliverance for this struggle. I am letting God set me free from this!